If I Could
by Jessi - Princess of Impatience
Summary: Hermione desperately decides to break a rule of epic proportions to save the man she loves from death. WIP.H, Ch1 up 7.20.05, canon compliant through OotP.


_A/N: This is so angsty, I think the angsty-est (it is a word in my world, alright!) I've ever written. I have no idea where it came from, as I like to see Severus and Hermione happy, but here it is. I actually have a great deal for the middle of the fic written, but the beginning is something I'm never quite satisfied with. I may change it before the next chapter upload, or I may not. I will warn you if I do. _

I know it is a well-loved concept to be using, but I think very few have journeyed down the path we will take – but if they have, there is always room in fanfic for a different interpretation! 

Disclaimer: I do not own any characters from Harry Potter. The whole Potterverse belongs to the genius of J.K. Rowling, who is a goddess amongst writers. I seek to make no profit from this venture and I promise to return everything back the way I found it. This story is only canon compliant until the end of Book Five. 

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If I Could  
Story by Jessica Arbuckle (Jessi, Princess of Impatience)  
June - undetermined, 2005

**Chapter One, Lost Everything, Then And There……**

"Hermione…," the pale skinned man in the bed began. 

"Shh, Professor, stay still," the girl sitting next to him said softly, moving from the chair to the edge of the bed. 

"Listen… I… love you," he gasped. 

Millions of thoughts and feeling ran through her at the words she had longed to hear. If only they had not come so late. 

"Oh Merlin help me, I love you too! Just stay with me," she pleaded, brown eyes huge and full of tears as she pushed back a lock of his dark hair from his face. 

She watched a smile appear, the first of its kind to ever cross his stern face, as he reached out to gently touched her cheek. She smiled down at him through her tears as a long, rough finger wiped away the tears coursing down her cheek. She placed her hand over his, clutching it to her face like a lifeline. She watched his eyes flutter shut and he became still, his hand slackening in her own. 

She laid her head to his chest frantically, listening for something – a faint breath, a slow beat of his heart… but there was nothing. 

"Nooo," she wailed, clutching handfuls of his robe, "don't… nooo, please… not now, not that I know. Not that I finally know!" 

The rest of the room looked on in shocked silence, except one. Albus Dumbledore looked incredibly sad. Those knowing eyes, the twinkling dimmed completely as he gaze at the bed, seemed to hold an understanding that spoke of an awareness of all of this prior and a loss of hope that it would never come to be. 

Minerva McGonagall was the first to move. She walked forward and began to gently pry Hermione from the still form on the bed. Hermione fought her, crying out incoherent words. 

"Shh, Miss Granger, come with me. You will stay with me tonight," she said softly, betraying tears slipping down her cheeks at the sight of the grief stricken girl and the man she once thought might have a normal life after the war was done. Some might have thought she would be appalled at their confessions, but after the shock wore off, she was saddened to no end. They would have been good together, good for one another in a way no other could have ever been. 

One by one, Minerva removed Hermione's fingers from the clutching grasp she had on the robes of the man in the bed. As the last piece of his robe was pried from her fingers and her body was pulled from his side, Hermione began to wail even harder and struggle violently. 

"No, I won't leave him, you can't make me. Let me go Professor, you don't understand, you just don't!" she said, shaking her wild mass of chestnut curls as she fought to get her hands back on Severus's robes. Maybe if she did not let go, someone it would be all right again? 

"Should I…?" Remus Lupin began questioningly as he stepped forward with his wand out. 

"No, you should not," Minerva said, sheltering Hermione protectively in her arms as she glared sternly at Remus. At his shocked look, she softened a bit. "She needs to go through this, not be saved from it and made to prolong it. Come on Hermione, come with me." 

At last Hermione looked up at her, eyes a dark chocolate with grief. "Don't make me do this, don't make me leave him, he needs me," she pleaded desperately, causing the redhead girl that had moved close during her thrashing to let forth a loud sob and stop in her tracks. 

Hermione didn't hear her, she had ears only for the woman in front of her, looking sad and older than she had ever in Hermione's memory. A taller red-haired boy drew back the girl into his arms and she began to sob loudly on his chest as he patted her back comfortingly. 

"You have to Hermione, Madam Pomfrey needs to attend to him. You cannot stay here, so you will come with me," she said, placing a cool hand against Hermione's cheek. 

Hermione ceased to struggle at the look in the older woman's eyes. It spoke of an understanding beyond what Hermione could have imagined and she threw herself against the woman as she continued to sob. The woman rocked her gently and attempted to move Hermione, but she would not budge. Minerva looked over Hermione's head and Remus again stepped forward. 

"Let me Minerva," he said and gently pulled Hermione form her arms, moving to gather her up. 

"Remus, let me," a dark-haired boy with a bloody gash on his head began, but Minerva silenced him with a stern glare. 

"Harry Potter, you will have that head looked at this instant. Ronald Weasley," she said, turning to the tall redhead with the girl in his arms, "If he leaves, you will restrain him." 

"Yes, ma'am," Ron said softly, rocking the girl in his arms gently as she continued to sob. 

Minerva turned back to Remus and he gathered Hermione up in his arms. Hermione looked up at him, but there was no longer any protest in her. Instead, she laid her head down on his shoulder and sobbed as she followed Minerva out the doors of the infirmary. 

The rest of the room - Harry Potter with his bleeding gash, Ronald Weasley with the sobbing form of his sister, Ginny Weasley, and Albus Dumbledore – watched the three leave in silence. 

"It's a bad dream, isn't it?" the red-haired girl sobbed as she looked up at Ron. 

"No Gin, but I wish it was," Ron said softly. "For Hermione's sake, I actually wish it was."

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_a/n: Please R/R, I would just adore it!_


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